Is the Right Counselor a Needle in a Haystack?
I don’t know about you, but one of the most intimidating parts of starting my own therapy journey was finding the right counselor. It felt like a huge commitment—spending 50 minutes a week for three weeks straight, only to realize the counselor wasn’t a good fit. The thought of starting over at square one again was daunting.
“I don’t have time to try out a bunch of counselors. I have real problems that need real solutions, now.”
I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought that. So, how can you find the right counselor without wasting precious time? I had an honest conversation with Christie, and she shared some amazing insights on how to navigate this process.
Beginning the Hunt
Start with a simple Google search to find a practice near you, so you can meet with your counselor in person. While it’s tempting to rely on the convenience of online sessions, research shows that in-person counseling often leads tobetter outcomes. Being physically present allows for better reading of nonverbal cues and helps build a stronger therapeutic alliance. So, try to keep that search local!
That said, counseling should always meet your unique needs. If online therapy feels like a better fit for your situation, there’s absolutely no shame in that. It can be just as effective as in-person sessions, depending on your preferences and circumstances.
Looks (and credentials) do Matter
Your first impression of a counselor today often comes from their website or app, and that’s a good thing! It saves you that extra step of walking into an office, since you can get a feel for their personality from their bio before booking a session. Do you like their smile? Can you relate to their family life or the personal story they’ve shared? These are helpful things to consider when choosing a counselor.
For example, when my husband was looking for a counselor, he knew he wanted someone who was married and had children—someone who could relate to his life stage. That made narrowing down options much easier. It’s comforting to know your counselor understands where you’re coming from. Don’t be afraid to be picky about this—finding someone who aligns with your values and experiences can really enhance your therapeutic journey.
It’s also important to think about your personal goals for therapy. Are you struggling with your marriage? Do you have a traumatic experience you need to work through? Or maybe you’re dealing with stress or anger management? Identifying the specific area you want to focus on will help you find a counselor with the right expertise. For example, look for someone trained in EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) for relationship issues or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for trauma recovery.
For more resources about Emotionally Focused Therapy you can browse around the ICEFT website here.
Once you’ve narrowed down your options and feel like a counselor might be a good fit, go ahead and book that first session!
Now that the first session is booked…
I mentioned earlier how the time commitment really freaked me out at first, and to be honest, it held me back for a while. I found myself stuck. But here’s the thing: I know you have real problems that need real solutions, now. The truth is, waiting for the perfect counselor to magically appear won’t solve anything. You’ve got to take action (and, trust me, you’ll hear that a lot in counseling).
If you and your counselor don’t click, that’s okay—try a different one! You’ll likely know within 2-3 sessions if something feels off.
I’ll skip the clinical jargon, but the research is clear: the best outcomes in therapy are found when there’s a strong rapport between the client and therapist. In simpler terms—does the counselor make you feel comfortable enough to talk about difficult topics?
Things seem “off”
So, what does it mean when things feel “off”? First and foremost, you need to feel safe with your counselor. Are you comfortable discussing those tough topics or uncomfortable situations? If you don’t feel at ease, something’s probably not clicking.
You’ve got two options here: You can either bring up your concerns with your counselor and work through them together, or you can try a different counselor. The key is to remember that if you’re feeling uneasy, it’ll be hard to make progress. Therapy only works if you feel comfortable sharing openly and receiving feedback in a safe, nonjudgmental space.
Sometimes, it’s just a matter of not clicking with the therapist. Even if they’re the most skilled and compassionate person in the world, if you don’t connect, they won’t be able to help you reach your goals.
Now that you have a good fit
Once you’ve found the right counselor, stick with it! Healing takes time. Imagine how much time it might take to heal childhood wounds, address spiritual trauma, or break toxic cycles in your relationships.
Think it might take more than 3 or 4 sessions? You’re on the right track. Research shows that the best outcomes come after 8-12 weekly sessions. Consistency is key to seeing improvement. Good therapy involves accountability and putting principles into practice. It’s important that you, as the client, check in regularly on your progress with yourself and with your counselor. If you’re in couples counseling, it might take a little longer, since your therapist is working with both people.
Running the Marathon
It’s normal to feel discouraged as you move forward. You might be 6 weeks in and suddenly uncover a traumatic experience. You’ll need to process and heal from it before moving forward. Many people get discouraged when new wounds, traumas, and patterns surface. But resist the urge to give up. While it may seem easier to avoid these difficult topics, your counselor will likely reassure you that facing them is ultimately easier in the long run. Remember, therapy is a marathon, not a sprint.
“Setbacks” are actually opportunities, not obstacles. Uncovering painful experiences is a chance to apply the new skills you’re learning in counseling. It’s a process—no pain, no gain, right? When you start your therapy journey, it helps to think long-term. Short-term comforts like television, food, or avoidance might feel easier (and cheaper) in the moment, but the lasting rewards—peace, joy, contentment—are worth the effort.
Clients who find the right counselor rarely regret it. Starting out can be intimidating and overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. At Married Life, we’re here to make the process as comfortable, streamlined, and productive as possible. Click here to book a session with one of our counselors and start your journey today!
